October 17, 2006

Museum officials confirmed today that all of the artifacts of the Dettmer Museum of Engraving have vanished in an apparent burglary/cleaning session. The robbery was discovered on the morning of 10.17.06 by Lynch who quickly alerted authorities. A massive search yielded dick. Curator Anderson was despondent. "They've taken the last little bit of fun out of this place," he said, staring at the empty concrete floor. Lynch allowed that it was as if the Holy of Holies had been removed from the NRP building.

Museum officials say that there are one or more suspects and plan to use methods of interrogation described as "tough." "Thank God there is no more habeas corpus," said one high-ranking official. We can do whatever we want to that poor bastard.

When reached by telephone, Dettmer unleashed a stream of invective and vowed that the person responsible "will pay a heavy price." The Master also promised to provide a new treasure trove of artifacts including a new very-short-pencil with a pin through the eraser.

October 19, 2006

Museum officials have announced a reward of $5.00 for the return of the artifacts of the Dettmer Museum of Engraving, no questions asked. However, Dettmer himself has offered an additional reward of $20.00 for information leading to the apprehension and humiliation of the robber. "Questions, my ass, this **&$$$!+** is going down!" he shouted. Mrs. Lynch has added an additional $5.00 to the reward, adding that the robber must pay the heavy price called for by The Master. "The museum was clearly marked as DETTMER MUSEUM OF ENGRAVING--SAVE! and there is no excuse for the miscreant's actions. He must be crushed!" she said.

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