If YOU believe that you are a present or past member of the East Side Pharaohs, please feel invited to send biographical information, news and revealing photographs of yourself for this page!

Let Us Know!

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Pinky Jean, The Dancing Queen

The Marvelous Miss Jean joined the Pharaohs in 1983. The Pharaohs became so successful with her at the helm that she was able to quit her job at MacDonald's. Around 1986, Pinky elected to leave the band to pursue other interests, including the study of insects. In 1988 Miss Jean rejoined the band, simultaneously finishing up her teaching degree. Except for a year off to battle cancer, Pinky reigned as lead vocalist until she elected to leave in December 2000.

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Here's Hubert!

Hubert (alias "The Tree") Sprinkler plays the drums in this band, and joined the East Side Pharaohs in 1989. His very first performance, at the Peoples' Fair, was captured on the 1989 Pharaohs video documentary, "Destroy All Bladders," by Sue Hynes. Hubert lives in Madison Lake with his wife, Audrey, their two sons and Blazer Daisy, Hubert's dog. Neither Hubert nor any of the Pharaohs, their agents, relatives, proxies or human-animal byproducts are responsible for the lowering of the water level of Madison Lake.

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Mr. Rifftide Andrews!

Riff, the Pharaohs lead bassist is a founding member of the Pharaohs, not to be confused with Mr. Ray Orbison or Mr. Hobart (Elvis' 5th cousin) Presley. However, he will pay you to talk to him during those long drives back to the trailer shack off somewhere behind Graceland Mansion.

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FlashBack!!

FlashBack's real name is Ole Schmidt, but during FlashBack's first Pharaohs gig in St. James, MN, Hubert announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, OLE SCHMIDT!" and the band was immediately outfitted by Mr. K. and banned in St. James. FlashBack is the guitarist extraordinaire of the Pharaohs, and he denies, to this day, Stanley's allegation that he is Sparko Mattic.

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Mr. Pat Patterson!

Weighing in at a formidable 412 pounds, MISTER Patterson also claims the title Hep Cat Splatt. Looking at least 25 years younger than his age, Splatt is actually older than all of the other Pharaohs. In a recent cage match, he pinned Billy Steiner and Stanley (Studs) Kreitzer simultaneously, but lost by disqualification when he became over-zealous and accidently body slammed the referee, Hubert (The Tree) Sprinkler. Illegal and heinous as the act was, Mr. Sprinkler bears no grudge (despite his resulting loss in seniority), and there are rumors the two may soon become tag team partners. COMING SOON: GUESS HEP CAT'S HEIGHT CONTEST!!!

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Flapper Tank Ball!

Flapper, a Mark Trail wannabe gone bad (his hands are far too large) has been trying to grow sideburns like Elrod Bad-boy Ted Baker for more years than--wait a minute, this is NOT the Mark Trail Home Page. Flapper, a pseudo-keyboard player has been playing strange notes during "Runaway" for hundreds of years in Mark-Trail-Time. The band kept him on despite this and despite the fact that he was nearly as unsociable as Stanley. Flapper finally retired at the age of 34.

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Good Lawdy--It's MIZ MAUDIE!

Maude, no relation to Harold, joined the band in January 2001. Unlike Britney Spears, Miss Maude does not rely on taped vocals. The new LadyPharaoh both sings and dances, totally LIVEMiss Maude was quickly initiated into the secrets of the East Side Pharaohs Inner Sanctum. Such esoterica as Bladder Jokes (We are very sorry, but we cannot reveal more of the East*Side*Pharaoh*Inner*Sanctum secrets to the world at large. Should you wish to apply as a Neophyte to the 22*Degree East Side Pharaohs Wisdom Council, please send your biography and $20.00 to:

East*Side*Pharaohs*Inner*Sanctum 55250 200 LN Mankato, MN 56001

Should you be accepted as a Neophyte, you will be sent the appropriate certificates, instruction manuals, ceremonial garb and mailing instructions for payment of progressive lessons.) would send your average musician racing for the the door, but Ms. M. blinked not an eye, quickly delivering a repartee that blew Riff right off the stage. Maude's superb vocal skills and stage presence are beyond comparison. While similar in style and delivery to Pinky Jean, Maude adds a new flavor to the band, in such instances as her fabulous cover of the Patsy Cline standard, After Midnight. The East Side Pharaohs are alive and well with Ms. Maudie at the helm.

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Say Howdy to HAROLD!!!

Harold is a trained pianist with both a jazz and a classical background. In fact, Harold's classical background beats the classical background of Alicia Keys all to heck. His jazz training is more disciplined than that of Flapper, who resorts to jazz only when he's forgotten what song is being played and in what key. The submitted photograph (see above) is of dubious authenticity and may, in fact, be Charles Manson, out on a lark; Mr. H., also known as the Quiet Pharaoh, has an aversion to having his picture taken. However, the reclusive Harold can be recognized by his trademark long fingernails, which are on a par with those of Howard Hughes. Should you encounter Harold at an East Side Pharaohs gig, remain calm. At an opportune moment, ask Harold if he will retrieve your cigars for $100.00. If Harold agrees, pay him in advance. As Harold re-enters the Morson-Ario with your White Owls, snap his photo and send it here. (East Side Pharaohs, 55250 200 LN, Mankato, MN 56001) WE will send you $4.00, and post your photo on this site!!