Our Little Angels

Meke loves to sit on the bathroom sink in the morning and watch Dad blearily shave and brush his teeth. She also loves to floss her teeth if Dad helps and makes sure she doesn't swallow it! According to Jo-Ann, Meke is "almost" an ideal pet; almost because she beats the living daylights out of anyone who is foolish enough to do something Meke dislikes (like rubbing her tummy). Dad LIKES to have the living daylights beat out of him occasionally, so he and Meke have an agreement where he pretends to rub her tummy and she rips gaping wounds in his arms with her claws. This keeps Dad humble and also keeps him well-innoculated against cat scratch fever.

It was estimated that Peeper had been in the trap for four to six days, and his right front leg had been frozen solid. It was now decaying and the massive infections had caused Peeper's temperature to go completely off the thermometer scale. Virtually any cat in such a condition would be doomed, however Peeper had an ace: his extreme love of food! Up until this point he had made a living conning several elderly ladies who lived near the ravine he frequented. They were all familiar with him and each of them, believing he had no other source of food, fed him generously once or more every day, unaware that Peeper would also be having dinner with several other residents in the area!

Although his case looked grim, Jo-Ann and Judi immediately began intensively working to save Peeper's life. Although he was started at once on antibiotics, it was obvious that he would lose his leg; the tissues were dying due to the loss of circulation, and the bones had been crushed by the trap (so much for trappers' contentions that leghold traps cause an animal relatively little suffering or injury--ask your veterinarian!). Peeper was given sub-cutaneous fluids and his injuries were treated as far as was possible. Although he was critically ill, he was offered a small amount of food, and although his temperature was high enough to cause brain damage and death in the ordinary cat, Peeper roused himself sufficiently to snarf it down before edging back into semi-consciousness.

Critically ill cats normally refuse to eat, but Peeper loved food above all things, and for several days he hung on the brink, awakening briefly to eat, then drifting off. Finally the antibiotics began to get the upper hand and his temperature dropped. Some time later his right foot dropped off as well. It was out of the question to release Peeper into his feral kingdom with only three legs, and so he came to live with us; he is unquestionably the dominant being of the household, ruling it with an iron fist. So long as no cat challenges his authority and so long as he has many, many breakfasts and suppers each day (of the expensive stuff--none of your low-down bargain brand canned foods), the entire household runs like clockwork. There is no peace when things do not go Peeper's way. For the idiot trapper who maimed Peeper and for all idiot trappers everywhere, we send a heartfelt wish of karma.

TURN-ONS: Sitting on Mom's lap, watching Peeper discipline Dot, decent catnip.

TURN-OFFS: Strange cats, loud noises, sudden movements (you never know...!).

Frosty is so named because when he was young and feral he was badly frightened by a skunk and spent a -20 degree night in the top of a tree where he froze his eartips off! A kindly priest who liked cats had noticed Frosty and spent weeks attempting to befriend him before actually catching him. The priest also owned our little Meke and Preppie, a cat who did great imitations of Lucifer. Sadly, their benefactor had severe surgery complications and was no longer able to care for his charges; they were adopted by us (no, we are not in the market for more pets!).

The Frost Man (as he is also known--we will not print here some of Mom's less flattering names for her boy) was severely malnourished as a kitten, resulting in a flighty intestinal tract and unusual body proportions. He's begun to realize that Dad likes him and has actually sat on his lap several times. But Frosty only feels truly safe sitting on Mom's lap, having her rub her chin on the top of his head! He loves to watch Peeper discipline the evil Dorothy, and even 20 minutes after the action is concluded Frosty can be found looking at the spot where it all went down, wondering at the power of Peeper, who can discipline with a fixed stare, a high-pitched steady peeping noise and several waves of his stump!

TURN-ONS: Trichobeazoar hurling, mayhem, destruction, being combed, lying on Mom's stomach in bed.

TURN-OFFS: All other cats except for Emmie, all humans except Mom, Dad and their friend, Susan, all attention not focussed directly on Dorothy, herself.

Dorothy has always preferred that she be the only pet in the household. It was bad enough that she originally had to share living arrangements and Dad's attention with her sister and with Irene the dog. Things became much worse, however. Dad got married to a veterinarian of all things and soon there were pets everywhere, all of whom were hated by Dot with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns. One of Dorothy's redeeming qualities is that she is a consummate nursemaid when either Mom or Dad is sick, relentlessly attending to them and washing them with her tongue.

TURN-ONS: Assisting her sister, Dot, during ambushes, trichobeazoar hurling, lying on Dad's stomach in bed, licking Dad's hands (only when he is lying in bed) in return for petting and kitty back massages.

Emmie is more tolerant of other cats than Dot, but she doesn't like any of them. Emmie loves to snuggle with Dad and is very affectionate when the humans are lying prone or sitting on the sofa. Like Dot, she will lick Dad's hands in return for petting and back massages. Recently she has taught Dad to pet her as he sleeps! Mom witnessed a 30 minute episode of Dad, sound asleep, petting Emmie and having his hands licked. The technique is the same as usual--a few licks and then a withholding of more licks until petting or kitty massage ensues. Now Dad knows why he is so tired in the morning.

TURN-ONS: Chips, anarchy, canned cat food, Uh & Uhs (Irene knows what M & Ms are, so the old folks took to calling them Uh & Uhs when they did Not really want a dog to go wild before their eyes), chasing squirrels, rooting in the compost heap, rolling in very dead things, cleaning dirty dishes, going to Burger King!

TURN-OFFS: Peeing in the cold snow, order, dry dog food, obedience training, being combed.

The Little Irene Marie is an anarchist and an old dog. She was born on April 28, 1987 and cost nearly $12 per pound. Dad had read several books on raising and training a puppy, and he quickly became trained and skilled at cleaning the carpets. Soon he began dating his veterinarian, and it can now be said that he was NOT dating his vet in hopes of a discount on a spay; his vet was, in fact, a very hot babe! As a young dog, Irene was rather shy and asocial. All of that changed when Dad and Mom-to-be held an 8-8-88 party for all of their known friends (or at least acquaintences). The Little Irene quickly discovered that she was very pup-ular among the guests, who plied her with wine and beer and Cheetos. Irene quickly became very happy and somewhat tipsy, and she has remained so to this day. In her own way, she has strongly encouraged Ma and Pa to replace all the carpet in their house with vinyl. Irene earns her keep by cleaning dishes, singing, chasing squirrels from the bird feeders, and cleaning the cat litter pans. We will not detail her execution of this task, but it has earned her two nicknames from Mom, the Mother of all Nickname Givers: The first name starts with a T and rhymes with Verdilac (from the terrifying horror movie, Black Sabbath In this movie, the Verdilacs were zombie-like creatures who blindly went to their appointed grisly tasks. Is this graphic enough, or would you like juicy details??). The second nickname, in the same vein is Poopula, taken from, of course (5 points if you get this one!..............................)YES! Dracula! However, we are not talking humans or blood any longer. If you do not understand.......be glad, be very glad.

What can we say about the perfect dog? Sadie is the ultimate peacemaker. She did not allow discord of any sort in her home. If Green Bay humiliates the Vikings too badly, our shrieks of protest are drowned out by her stern woofings. If two of the cats come to blows, she rushes to the scene, barking, and flutters her eyelids as she gingerly inserts her nose between the slashing claws. If this doesn't stop the fracas, the combatants are lectured with collie language and nosed apart.

Sadie has a deep and menacing growl for the (to her) menacing strangers who appear at our door. She never attacks them, but they are duly warned.

Sadie loves to play with her green porcupine, which was a welcoming gift from Sharon, her salon stylist. When Dad and Sadie play porcupine, Dad somehow always becomes a sheep in need of herding. He has experienced the semi-gentle collie sheep-herding nip many many times while playing this game.

When we went to visit Sadie for the first time, she was chained in a yard in a small town. The owner said that we were the first people she had accepted. When we began the drive to our home with Sadie, she became alarmed and told us to turn around! We didn't, so she marched gravely into the house with us. After a suitable period (15 minutes), Sadie walked over to where her leash had been coiled, picked it up and brought it over to Dad. It was clearly time to return home, in her estimation. We did what we could to comfort her, and Sadie dutifully did what she thought was expected of her, clearly missing her chain and dirt yard. However, the next day, Mom was making a casserole and offered Sadie a large chunk of hamburger. Her eyes widened. This was good stuff! Mom set down an even larger chunk of hamburger. Sadie looked at it, then decided it was only right to find the Little Irene first, so that she could have her share. Sadie brought Irene into the kitchen, who promptly tried to swallow all of the hamburger in one gulp. Sadie learned from this, and never, ever again did she alert Irene to the availability of hamburger.

In this same period, Mom offered Sadie a soft blanket to sleep on. The concept of Soft was a new one for a year old dog who had spent her entire life on a heavy chain in a hard-packed earth yard. After the experiences of Hamburger and Soft, Sadie decided she was Home, and never thought of her early home again, so far as we know.

Sadie and Dad went through Obedience training at the Key City Kennel Club. Sadie absolutely loved it. When Pomp and Circumstance played during graduation, Dad had tears in his eyes. Sadie merely wanted school to go on, so she and Dad then enrolled in the next level course. Ever after, when a car ride was coming, Sadie hoped it was taking her to school, but usually it was taking her and Irene to Burger King.

Stay tuned for more pets!

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