...and MUSIC!
A Brief History of the East Side Pharaohs
The East Side Pharaohs are a 50's and 60's rock & roll band known for their
eclectic senses of humor. The band began as a 3 piece in 1974 consisting of
Stanley (Studs) Kreitzer on guitar, Riff
Andrews on bass and Sticks (King of the Stool) O'Toole on drums. Stanley
and Riff created the Pharaohs odd blend of dry wit, obscure humor and
slapstick, borrowing some buffoonish antics from Riff's previous group,
Spiff Kool (the future Johnny Pineapple) and the Keeno Jets. The Pharaohs
played intermittently, primarily in the St. James and Kasota, MN areas,
disbanding for several months at a time whenever Stanley decided he was sick
of performing. This same group of musicians also appeared in the same period
as The Country Bladders, Audio Phantasy and once as George and the Romantic
(Sticks was sick, so Stanley was George and Riff the Romantic.), depending on
what type of band a venue wished to hire from the "Cruisin' Productions"
stable of musical entertainment.
The East Side Pharaohs, circa 1979.--from left: Clancy,
Stanley and Riff
The Pharaohs disappeared entirely in 1977-78 when Stanley and Riff put together a
punk band, "Kristi Vibrant and the Sonic Tempest" which featured Pam Thorpe
on vocals and Larry Sandman on drums. Pam and Larry decided that Riff was
Stanley's robot and left, whereupon the Pharaohs resurfaced with a new
drummer, Clancy. In 1981 Stanley left Mankato and the band was non-
existent until he returned the following year. During this period Riff played in several groups including one with ex-Keeno Jet Howie Buttz and Flapper Tank Ball. Riff also appeared as a villain in the film "NO!" Stanley made experimental music tapes. The Pharaohs reformed when Stanley returned and after several months again went into hiatus. This pattern generally continued. In 1983 Miss Pinky Jean (The Dancing Queen) joined as the Pharaohs lead vocalist, along with Flapper Tank Ball on keyboards. Pinky had seen the Pharaohs perform at the Kasota Legion (The Future Blue Moon) and thought to herself, "I can do that!" She informed the Pharaohs that she could handle the duties of lead vocalist. Riff and Stanley thought it was a good idea and quickly called her for an audition. The group rehearsed in the basement of Cruisin' Productions at Norton St. for about two months. This version of the Pharaohs played its first gig at the Kasota Legion (following an intense argument between Sticks and Stanley as the band was setting up! Stanley declared that henceforth he was a mercenary) and played regularly from September '83 through June '84, attracting a small crew of loyal fans, including Annie and Ray Malloy. By spring of '84 the band's
eclectic following had grown to the extent that Cruisin' Productions actually received several job offers from Mankato venues. Unbeknownst to Sticks, Stanley turned down numerous local gigs, but did accept several dates. Stanley and Flapper elected to leave the band in June and were replaced by Diamond Dirty Fingers Jimmy the Axeman Jones Jr. on guitar and
Hep Cat Splatt
on keyboards, guitar and saxophone. This band became quite popular and was touted by Sticks as the Pharaohs' "best combination of people and talent," according to an August '84 Mankato Free Press feature article. The East Siders began to play so regularly that Miss Jean quit her job at MacDonalds! Binky Q. Moderne and Flapper Tank Ball assigned themselves the role of the band's publicists, and produced the Pharaohs penultimate publication,
The Irrational Acquirer,
distributing hundreds of copies free of charge. They had no idea that only 13 years later collectors would value a given edition in good condition at $140.00 and up!
Hep Cat elected to leave the band, as he relocated to the Twin Cities. He was replaced by Scott Horvath. Soon after, Diamond Dirty Fingers Jimmy the Axeman Jones Jr. elected to leave the band as he relocated to the Twin Cities. He was replaced by Sparko Matic who owned Beauford the bus.
At about this point Sticks, seeing that the band's star grew ever brighter, knew that the Pharaohs needed a professional soundman and lightman. Sticks elected to resign from the stool to run sound for the Pharaohs, investing heavily in huge mixing boards and great big speakers. He did not relocate to the Twin Cities, however his agressive promotion of the band did secure them some jobs in the metro area market. He was replaced on the drums by Ace the Face. In this moment "the big sound" was born. Mike Thompson, formerly of Thrust, joined the group as its lighting person. At about this time Scott Horvath elected to leave the band. No one knows where he went, but he was replaced by Mean Dean Zimmerman.
By now the Pharaohs were regularly performing on the ballroom circuit in a three state area. In December of 1985 Mean Dean decided to become a philosopher. He was to be replaced by Sparko Matic's brother in June of '86; meanwhile Flapper Tank Ball was recruited to play for 6 months, during which time he never slept, travelling directly from gigs to his day job.
In June the brothers Matic were united. Pinky elected to leave the band and relocated to MacDonalds. She was replaced by Coco. The Pharaohs ventured ever further into the domains of classic hard rock. After a time Coco elected to leave the band. She was replaced by one, then two, then three Norvald sisters, however, they elected to leave the band and were replaced by Coco. At this point, Beauford the bus blew up its 37th engine and was abandoned in Montana, where it sits in the roadside to this day, a monument to proper mechanical prophylaxis.
In the spring of 1988, Riff Andrews, the sole remaining original Pharaoh, elected to re-form the band, recruiting the marvelous Miss Pinky Jean the Dancing Queen, Diamond Dirty Fingers Jimmy the Axeman Jones, Jr., Flapper Tank Ball and Spike, the Wonder Dog, who played drums and trumpet simultaneously. The most recent ex-Pharaohs renamed themselves The Mummies, and were billed in a newspaper ad as "all the original members of the East Side Pharaohs." Riff countered with his own ad which featured "The Genuine East Side Pharaohs: Riff, Pinky, Diamond Dirty Fingers Jimmy the Axeman Jones, Jr., Flapper and Jack."
After some months Diamond Fingers Jimmy the Axeman Jones, Jr. elected to leave the band to relocate to the Twin Cities. He was replaced by Stanley (Studs) Kreitzer. At this point Spike, the Wonder Dog, elected to leave the band. He was replaced by Hubert (The Tree) Sprinkler. This group's first job was at the People's Fair in 1989, which was chronicled on videotape. For quite some time there were no personnel changes, but finally Stanley became sick of performing once again and elected to leave the band. He was replaced by Lord Clive. This version of the Pharaohs worked up a substantial number of new songs, including "Run" by The Gestures.
In 1994 Lord Clive elected to leave the band. He was replaced by Ole ("Flashback") Schmidt. Amazingly, since that time no one has elected to leave the band. In 1997 Miss Jean elected to undergo treatment for multiple myoloma, she was replaced by someone everyone knew as Nancy on those occasions where chemotherapy necessitated her absence. However, Nancy became pregnant, and elected to leave the band for the sake of her child's hearing. Until Pinky's return, the band continued as a 4 piece. In 1998, Miss Jean returned to the band full time.
In mid-1999, famous wrestler Pat Patterson began to play saxophone with the Pharaohs on a part time basis. By the end of the century, Mr. Patterson was working full time with the band. Since Pat is taller (much taller) than Brooke Shields and tips the scales at a ruthless, muscular 412 pounds, he also doubles as the Pharaohs bouncer. Rumor has it that Pat and Hep Cat Splatt are one and the same, and who are we to deny such rumors. The differences in appearance, size and age can be accounted for by postulating that we are accelerating through space at a speed approaching that of light. Hence, one day sooner than we may expect, Mr. Patterson may be infinite in size.
In December 2000, Pinky and Flapper elected to leave the band. They were replaced by Dr. X and Madame X.
The Pharaohs play on relentlessly, and expect to hear about playing the People's Fair any day. Currently the members are Hep Cat on sax, Riff on bass, Hubert Sprinkler (alias "The Tree") on drums, Flashback "Ole Schmidt" on guitar, Dr. X on keyboards and the wonderful Madame X on vocals.
An even more complete history of the band is currently being compiled. Stay tuned!